Some traits you can’t learn, some traits you were just born with. Like, I couldn’t tell you where I got my respect for those older than me from, I can just tell you that I’m fairly certain I just popped out and knew I had to be respectful to my elders. I can’t tell you where I learned that everyone is equal, but I can tell you that I’ve known since I was younger that we are all human despite our ethnicity, despite our relationship status, despite whether we like males or females. I can tell you that I take my shoes off because of my Japanese style upbringing. I can tell you that I get my sense of family from eating dinner with my parents and my brother every night. I can tell you that I respect my mother for working every week day and still making us a home cooked meal every night, and I want to do the same when I have a family of my own. I can tell you that I react exactly like every female in the universe when they get into that ugly, uncharted territory of liking someone and not knowing if the feelings are returned.
I’ve told many of my friends before that when it comes to dating I’m a couple of things:
- If I’m the interested party, I’ll go for it. But I’ve never been interested enough in someone to want to actively pursue it so it’s never happened (refer to point 1).
- I won’t do anyone any favors. Mostly because I’m unobservant, but also because I essentially friendzone any dude that I meet automatically. And since I’m essentially a dude, I don’t even think about things like that. And because I’m an asshole and I refuse to meet someone halfway on crap like this.
As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve gone through all the steps. I’ve realized exactly why I’ve avoided dating so long: because it’s stupid, and it causes headaches, and it’s a whole lot of bullshit and running around in circles. Like, why can’t dating be straight and to the point? Why is there this whole run around period between liking someone and actually being in a relationship? To clarify, I’m not dating anyone. I thought I might’ve been interested in someone, but we’ll see (refer back to point 1).
But anyway, I had the whole loopy, giddy period where I was happy to have finally met someone who might end the drought. Then the: oh Jesus, what if he thinks I’m psycho phase where you start second guessing yourself on stupid crap like messaging them on Facebook or texting them. And then you think to yourself – why are you even concerned about this? It’s stupid, and if they think you’re weird, they’re stupid!
Or maybe that’s just my self-conscience? (Does anyone else remember how to spell conscience by mentally repeating “con-science?” Or is that just me as well?) Anyway, it’s good to know, though still irritating, that I get tripped up over guys I like. I mean, it’s nice to know that I can still somewhat be a girl, but it’s irritating to know that I can somewhat be a girl (even though it’s normal. I mean, it IS normal right??!)
There’s nothing wrong with it though. Just like there’s nothing wrong with buying something that is apparently “marketed to women.” I guess the older I get, the more I realize that while yes I want to be an independent woman (Lucy Liu, with my girl Drew, Cameron D and Destiny…), I also probably want a family someday. And it’s gonna be tough to balance cooking, cleaning (have you seen my apartment?), and working. Some super women can do it, but knowing myself and my limits there’s no way that I will be a super woman. And that’s okay. It just means that one day I’ll have to make a choice to help my own sanity.
Which brings me to another point: what is with all the judgement? Why do people judge others on the stupidest shit? Like a couple weeks ago I became friends with my brother’s “girlfriend” on Facebook and my first instinct was to go through her likes and judge her. What’s wrong with me? Why am I the end all be all of music tastes? (Granted, she does like POD on Facebook. Who likes POD enough to want to follow them on Facebook? See! I’m doing it again!) She’s a nice girl, so why do I feel the need to go looking for reasons to dislike her? And why do we do it to strangers? Why do we put so much focus on the silly things in life? And why can’t I just live my life instead of being judged by people when I buy groceries or get coffee or go out to eat? And why are there different ways to like things now? What’s the difference between liking something or liking it ironically/un-ironically? Either way you like it, it’s just that you’re embarrassed by liking it so you feel the need to express that you’re embarrassed by it to. Nobody should feel embarrassed about liking something! What is wrong with people today? Pop culture is NOT IMPORTANT.
If you like Jersey Shore, whatever! If you have watched all seasons of Big Brother and came name off the winners, SO WHAT? Nobody actually cares when it comes down to it, and if people judge you for it – SO WHAT? Like guess what? I never thought I would willingly go see Ke$ha in concert, but I did and I enjoyed it and it was awesome! Judge away! I went to see the Dragonball Z live action movie, Chow Yun Fat was probably the best actor in it – how you feel about that? I once wanted to watch Laguna Beach more than go see V for Vendetta at a friends house. Tell me how you really feel. Like seriously, anybody who actually cares about this needs to reassess what is most important in their life. Most people won’t even give a damn.
Anyway, a heavy topic for my first post in a few months. Oh well…Until next time! Ta!