Letters I Wish I Could Send, But Won’t

So a writing group I’m a part of has started doing this letter theme.  You write 30 letters each focusing on a different person, or subject.  I was originally going to post them here, but…A lot of them are angsty and more suitable for Livejournal where I’m allowed to vent more.  This one is more for when I want to write something intelligent, or I don’t know…As this is more of my official blog, I feel weird posting these angry letters when so many of my posts here have already been about struggling through everything.  I just feel like I need to start taking this one in a different direction.  Not so much how much I fail at life (kidding), but writing about music, politics, ideas, things like Twilight, etc.  Not all the emo whiny-ness.  But that said, I’ll post a few letters every now and then.  30 is a lot, and not all of them are going to be angsty.  So here’s one that I really enjoy, the prompt was to write it to a sibling:

Hey Broski,

I have always wanted you to make up for the mistakes I have made.  Wherever I failed, I wanted you to succeed based on what I already knew.  I realize maybe this is a little flawed because without making mistakes, there is really no opportunity to succeed and in a sense is preventing you from becoming the person who you’re supposed to be.  You’re not a mini-me by any means, and I know you probably won’t make the same mistakes I did (some of them were pretty stupid), but I still want to protect you from any harm, which I know is dumb because you can protect yourself.  But I think it stems from when we were kids, as the older sibling it was my job to make fun of you. 😛  But you were kind of a wimp, to be frank (and so was I), and I soon realized that I could make fun of you but nobody else could.  That was when I became the protective older sibling.  But it’s been great to see you grow up into an adult.

You are such a personable person.  I’ve always admired that about you.  Your ability to talk to others has grown substantially since you were in elementary school.  And you’re a handsome fucker.  It’s amazing how many of my friends who see a picture of you and are like, “Your brother is really cute!”  It’s disconcerting actually.  And you know I’ll never tell you any of this because god knows you’re already arrogant enough, Weasel.

You’re also really smart.  I remember you used to call me Kya-na, and I spent maybe five minutes telling you have to enunciate my name and by the end, you had it.  You were such a clever child, you had silly names for things like water (you called it at-choo), and we referred to the dentist as the gummy-goo.  Even now, you have a way to come up with the most hilarious phrases – like the time we went to Black Angus and you said they serve ghetto steak.

That being said, I know I can be a selfish sister sometimes – which was evidenced when we were living together this past year without the parents.  I know I can be awkward, not all of us can be as cool as you.  In fact, there were times when I felt like Mom, laughing at my own jokes while everyone else looked on thinking, “What the hell is she talking about?” And even still I kept on talking, even though I was cringing on the inside.  But it’s also because we’re both selfish and stubborn.  I think it comes from our father, personally.  But you’re my brother, and I care about you and would do anything to protect you.  And while you can be a little pansy-ass sometimes, Dad always joked that I should have been the boy and you should have been the girl (and sometimes I think it’s true), you have to know that I’ll always have your back through thick and thin.

And now it’s getting mushy.  And you know our family, we don’t do emotion.  Our family is affectionate by no means.  In fact, the first time Mom hugged me since I was a kid (I remember it was when I was leaving for Girl Scout camp for a week or something) I felt so awkward.  It’s sense gotten better, but still.  It was weird.  And this is why I can’t give you this actual letter because it’s too emotional, it shows I actually care about you. 😛  So I’ll give you an abbreviated version for your birthday when you turn 21.  Holy shit, you’re turning 21.  I can’t even believe it.

But now I’m just rambling, so I’ll finish this up.  Some families have siblings who will go for years without speaking.  I don’t want that.  We’re stuck together forever, you and I.  Maybe you wish you got yourself a cooler sister than me, but I’m all you got.  Sorry.  We may not be siblings who are best friends, who always talk and that crap, but I’m not going to hide who I am from you.  You have to see that I only want what’s best for you.  I’ll try to stop shielding and protecting you so you can be free.  Be free, Little Bird!  Fly!

It’s you and me, Bro.
Accept it, and love it.
Da Sistah

Feel free to tell me anything I should add, what I could do to improve it.  I value all of your opinions, and I’ve found it’s only the ones where I go off on rants that I end up writing longer than a few paragraphs. 😛  If you are, in fact, interested in reading the other ones, you can click here, the link to my LJ.  All the posts there should be public.  Love y’alls, and seriously, if you’re interested in the prompt you can see all the topics at my LJ.  I encourage you all to try it, you don’t even have to do them all.  I only started it because I saw one of the topics, it spoke to me, and I vented.  😛

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