When I was a senior in high school my English teacher did a thing asking us between two people who would hold more importance to you [it could’ve been some other adjective, but I don’t remember exactly what the questions were]. One of the last ones we were asked about was who was more important to us, our [potential] significant other or [a] friend[s]? Only a friend of mine and I raised our hand for friends over significant others.
At the time, I didn’t believe I would get married, thus the question was moot. Obviously I would choose friends over a nonexistent significant other. Clearly, I don’t hold the same opinion, and even at the time I acknowledged that once you commit to marrying someone they should be more important in your life than friends, but having to choose between the two people who are most important to me (family not included) – my best friend and my [potential] significant other, is not fair.
Thinking about it now, my significant other would have to understand that if ever my best friend[s] were to call me asking for help, I would drop everything to do what I could to help them. In a way, because being married to someone means waking up next to them, going to sleep next to them, living with them – I would put my best friends over him. I wouldn’t drop everything to help my husband with a minor problem if I were spending the day with a best friend of mine, like I would if a best friend called me asking for help and I was with my husband. In my head, when I see someone every day, that means they see me enough that I need to devote time to people I don’t see every day.
Were I ever to be in a relationship with someone, I firmly believe I wouldn’t become one of those who cannot do anything without their boyfriend or girlfriend. I wouldn’t be one of those who completely forgets about their friends when they get a boyfriend or girlfriend. In fact, I can see the biggest problem in our relationship being me appearing not to care about the relationship at all.
But that’s a topic for a different time. The point is, at the time I viewed friendship more important than love – essentially. In my head, my thought process was this: My true friends are some of the people I’ve known the longest. I only recently started dating (I still haven’t been on a date, but that’s neither here nor there), who am I to put someone I’ve known for a month or two over someone I’ve known since middle school or high school? Just because I find someone cute or attractive, doesn’t mean they have my best interests in mind, like my friends who have stuck by me through the years do.
I feel like, when someone has been in my life longer than six months, that’s when it’s the real deal. Until then, someone’s disposable, if a good friend of mine tells me to my face that they don’t approve, I would probably listen.
But that’s obviously me.
So now we finally get to the point. Haha, I’m long winded, I know. Sue me. I came to Japan in the middle of August. I got to know the people I trained with, hung out with them, blah blah blah. Well, on Sunday I was invited to a rugby match – I had been planning on attending and told a friend of mine that when she asked if I had time to meet for lunch next week. Instead of deciding on when to have lunch, we thought we’d do lunch before that and then catch the match. I was getting a little excited, because she and I hadn’t hung out one on one at all since arriving in Japan, but as the date got closer and I confirmed again I was planning on going to the game, she told me that she and another gal pal of ours were going to be spending the whole of Saturday together and sleeping over, so I would meet the two of them on Sunday instead.
I was a bit let down, and irritated. But Sunday came, and I met up with the person who was giving me a ticket, and the two girls anyway. Then they both found out that two of the guys they get along with were coming along, and I was all but forgotten about. Instead of hanging out with the two of them, I hung out with the guy who invited me and some of the other people I had just met that day (who were probably better company anyway). The girl who wanted to meet with me for lunch clearly has a crush on one of the guys, so I was pissed that I was so casually thrown aside just for a guy who she wants to bone.
What makes me the angriest is that I spent the whole day with them, but they only said about four sentences to me. How’s that for hanging out? We didn’t even meet for lunch that day. Obviously my friendship means nothing to them when a potential hookup shows its face, which means I’m done. I haven’t known these people for six months, I don’t need to spend my time with people who don’t care about me. Or only care when there are conveniently no potential hookups around. That’s not friendship, and I’m done letting that affect me.
People say that they don’t want a relationship all the time, but that’s really them just saying that to cover up that they’re lonely because five minutes later they have another boyfriend. If you really truly didn’t want a relationship you’d do what I do and become apathetic. It’s worked for me all of my life. I’m the same way with people who don’t treat me with the same respect I give them. I’m apathetic, I won’t care either way about what you say or do. And when it comes down to it, they’re so full of drama anyway and I do my best to avoid drama, it’s for the best. Ce la vie.