Sorry, going to rant about songs and phrases for a moment.

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We all have phrases, or songs, that we absolutely can’t stand.

The phrase that makes me want to wring people’s neck for saying it? “Heart of gold.” WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? I.e. “The girl can be pretty bossy, but she has a heart of gold.” So then you’re saying she’s a bitch? Just call her that and be done with it! I don’t care if her bossiness is coming from a “good place,” she’s still bossy and you’re complaining about her. Saying she has a “heart of gold,” doesn’t make it better! Or more often, “the guy isn’t all there, but he has a heart of gold!” NO. Just stop.

Yesterday, my boss and I were talking about how her ex-boyfriend cannot stand Irish music, which includes Irish punk which I think is absolutely awesome. I was saying that there were worse genres of music, and she agreed, but Eli absolutely cannot stand it, and if she were to have invited him down to the restaurant – he would have walked in, heard it, and immediately walked out.

There are, at this time, only two songs that will make me do this:

  • “Rock Lobster”
  • “Last Christmas”

My hatred of “Rock Lobster” started when I covered the assistant manager’s late night shift, and all the drunk kids wandering into the shop saw that we had a B-52s record and THREE TIMES IN A ROW, three different groups put on the album. And they didn’t play the whole record, NO, THEY ONLY PLAYED “Rock Lobster.”

I don’t have anything against The B-52s, in fact I quite enjoy their other songs, but I will never ever appreciate “Rock Lobster” again. I abhor that song, not that I particularly liked it before the event.

Which brings us to “Last Christmas,” you should know that Japan seems to especially love shitty music. They love the song “Yesterday Once More” by the Carpenters, and “Country Road,” and ESPECIALLY “We Are the World.” But come Christmas time, which begins right as Halloween ends, EVERY SINGLE BUSINESS mutually decides it’s time to drive people, read: me, insane by playing the most inane song known to man – “Last Christmas.”

Just listen to the lyrics! He gave a girl his heart, she broke it, and this year he’s going to be smarter with who he gives his heart to. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE HEART, DUM DUM. IF YOU ONLY HAVE ONE HEART, HOW CAN YOU GIVE A SECOND ONE AWAY? YOU CAN GIVE YOUR LOVE AWAY, BUT NOT YOUR HEART.

But I digress, that song…I hate that song. And having to listen to it for two months out of the year over the course of three years was way too much for me. It was solidified that that is the stupidest song ever written. Seriously. Stupidest.

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